#3 - Things I loved, April.

Greek Gods, Hot Crossed Buns and tiny, little canapés served in tea cups.

May 03, 2026

Every time I set out to write something I have my manager’s voice in my head, “Can you make that more… positive?”

A large part of my job is writing, you see, and I think I’m ‘ok’ at it until I hit my Luteal phase. Yes, approximately a week from my period my rose-tinted glasses turn grey and I become convinced that the world as we know it is FUCKED.

I don’t know if you’ve tried to write when everything is fucked, but it’s hard. Nothing flows and when it does, it’s cynical and cutting like it was born Greek-God-style from the wild oats of Larkin1 and the rotted figs of Plath2… My words sit on the page pointing their tiny little swords at me like darts. What you going to do, Maria? Edit us?

Obviously. I spend hours editing. My manager says, “it’s close.”

So, this is a long way to say that unfortunately for you I’m writing this love-list whilst in my Luteal which accounts for it being short. I did love a lot of things in April, I’m sure. Just not today, just not today…

Things I loved, April.

Hu bar chocolate

Did I buy this £4, 60g bar of chocolate just so I could write about it in my Love List? Yes, yes I did. It was, of course, really good. Deep, rich chocolate cut through with a wafer thin layer of salted cashew butter. Devastated I’ll only ever be able to afford it the week I get paid.

My first soft launch!!

Chris (my partner) is working for this new gastro-pub The Smithfield in Leeds. As his gf (big up), I got to tag along to the opening night and get some free pints. (Slay.)

Growing up, I always imagined being invited to one of these exclusive events. It would be like an episode of Sex in the City. You know, I turn up looking spectacularly hot in designer shoes and have interesting conversations with interesting people whilst sipping a cosmopolitan.

In reality, I spent my first soft launch alternating stalking my partner like a shadow as he worked, and smashing back canapes in the corner of the room. It hit 10pm (when the party was really starting) and I said my excuses. It was a Monday. I had work the next day. (Not very Carrie of me.)

Butter pasta

So apparently if you fry sardines with garlic and finely chopped onions, add fresh chili and butter, add pasta water, add more butter, add pasta, add more butter – you get this creamy, sexy dish of golden goodness.

Double up on the spaghetti. You’ll want seconds.

Samurai priest: Vampire hunter

Film concept: Vampires are starving because human blood is no longer ‘pure.’ We’ve been having too much sex (no joke), so if they suck our blood they get food poisoning.

If the title and concept hasn’t given it away already, this film is really bad! Still, there’s something ‘self-aware’ about it – they knew they weren’t going to win an Oscar with ‘Samurai Priest: Vampire Hunter’, and didn’t try to.

Me and Chris enjoyed it. It’s funny if you can get past the unnecessary boob shots. Also female vampires like to suck blood through men’s dicks (who’d have thought!).

Mythos by Stephen Fry

A really funny introduction to Greek mythology in a series of short tales. 10/10 concept. 5 stars. Would read again… however, slightly glad to have finished after suffering recurrent graphic nightmares about Greek torture. Specifically, this guy:

How it feels to wake up and go to work after working yesterday, the day before, the day before that, the day before…

This Hot Crossed Bun recipe

I came to the disturbing realisation this Easter that no one I know likes Hot Crossed buns. I’d spent 3 hours in the kitchen, made 12 and expected my housemates to hail me as a baking Goddess. Instead, one by one they turned their noses up at them.

Not a fan of all spice. I don’t like currants. Sweet bread isn’t my thing.

Can you believe it — it makes me sick.

I aspire to one day be as sexy as this buttered hot crossed bun.

Reading my screentime

In April I replaced my screentime with reading for a week. I made a bold post about this on Notes and then said nothing more… but I actually did it! Next week’s post will likely be about how that went. One word: hard.

3rd of May eeee. I nearly didn’t post this at all because I thought a) I’d missed the boat on people giving a shit about April, b) that my writing this month feels very grey and dry (if that makes sense).

When I go through periods of really bad writer’s block, usually I just give up. But Brain Fluff is an experiment in ‘pushing through the discomfort’. What will I create if I don’t care about imperfection? What will I create if I don’t let myself give up?

Anyway, thank you for reading. Now we’re in May I’m really going to try to have some semblance of a posting schedule. But we’ll see, the sun is out and the beer gardens are calling to me lol.

One last thing before I sign off,

It’s important research.

See you in the next one,

Maria xxx

In reference to Wild Oats by Philip Larkin:

‘About twenty years ago
Two girls came in where I worked—
A bosomy English rose
And her friend in specs I could talk to.
Faces in those days sparked
The whole shooting-match off, and I doubt
If ever one had like hers:
But it was the friend I took out,’

Philip Larkin was such a c**t!

You know what this is in reference to. Those fucking figs.